On extented breastfeeding

I’ve been wanting to start guest posts for some time now because there are many interesting, wise, brilliant mommies (and daddies) out there with some wonderful insights that we can all benefit from. Yesterday my friend Gau, one of the most gorgeous, intelligent, articulate and empathetic people i know put up an Instagram post that fired me up and i just had to share it! Here is her post:

This picture was otherwise only meant to be a #latergram post from a recent trip to continue documenting our nursing journey. I normally let some amount of naysaying slide and don’t preach the virtues of extended breastfeeding to an immature audience. Something happened a couple of days ago that made me extra protective of a bond I care so much for. I went to a doctor for a small infection and was prescribed some broad spectrum antibiotics. I forgot to ask earlier so called her up from home to ask if the meds were breastfeeding friendly. Here’s a snippet from our unpleasant conversation:


Me: Doc, I’m breastfeeding and wanted to know if it was safe to take the meds you prescribed.


Doc: (incredulously, because she had met my son earlier in the day) How old is your child?


Me: 2.7 years old


Doc: Then you can stop feeding him now. They say it’s useless to feed a child that old and you should stop now.


Me: I do not agree and even if I did, I can’t stop tonight which is when I need to start the course.


Doc: No but it’s useless and yes the meds are safe.


Me: Thank you and good bye!


Now I know that not all of the anti (extended) breastfeeding brigade goes around giving unsolicited “useless” advice to nursing mothers and not all doctors are morons. But the most basic facts of life have become so mangled and mired in hate or ignorance that right now I feel compelled to put in my two cents across to whoever is listening.
It is perfectly normal and natural to nurse a child until they self-wean (that is around the age of 6 or 7 years when they lose their baby teeth and along with that also their ability to latch). It is recommended to breastfeed a child for a minimum of two years – this has proven benefits for both the mother and the child. Beyond that age, breastmilk does not become useless overnight. A child nurses because it needs milk but not only for that. A mother’s milk is better for the child, even nutritionally, than another animal’s that is meant for its own young one. Human bodies are dynamic – under normal circumstances, a mother will continue to produce milk for as long as her child nurses. As the child grows, it finds emotional stability and security in this nursing bond with the mother. This aspect of the breastfeeding relationship is most underrated and least understood. The same people who encouraged me to breastfeed exclusively for the first six months later told me that breastfeeding after a certain age is “addictive” and I’m spoiling my son. If you hug your child 20 times a day, every day, you’re not spoiling them, are you? You’re also not cultivating bad habits to last a life time. To use the oft repeated yet meaningful line – children don’t spoil, they just grow up.
While I’m proud and thankful to be nursing my child for this long, I wouldn’t say it’s been easy. Another reason to be supportive of extended breastfeeding rather than discourage mothers by saying all the wrong things. Just as in any other relationship, the success of this one depends on the well-being of both the mother and the child. A mother may want out at any point and lead the way to a gentle and peaceful end of the relationship. Abrupt weaning can cause a lot of grief to both the mother and the child. There are support groups to help mothers in their breastfeeding journey – Breastfeeding Support for Indian Mothers is one such group and I’ve had the good fortune of meeting some amazingly strong and committed mothers (even fathers) here.
 
This post is about extended breastfeeding and nursing in public is a natural progression of this extension. 🙂 You can’t feed behind closed doors for three years, you should never have to. But more on that later.

This is the link to her Instagram account:https://www.instagram.com/gauriddg/

I weaned my daughter off prematurely at eight-and-a-half months because of a work related trip to Germany and it still makes my heart ache. Even in that short period, i experienced how unfriendly our society and conditions are for breastfeeding. And this is not just breastfeeding in public which is nightmarish in itself, but also support from near and dear ones at home who are quick to wonder “whether breastmilk is enough” and encourage us to switch to formula before really allowing us to take our time in learning and enjoying this beautiful, natural process.

Power to women like Gau who inspire and educate us with tales like these!

If you have breastfeeding stories of your own, i’d love to hear them.


To buy or not to buy, that is the question!

OMG, the market for little kids these days!! Gone are the days when children would dutifully hold their mom’s hand and follow her into a large everything-under-one-roof -store and stand quietly while she haggled with the salesmen and held up frock after frock till she (and not the child!) found the perfect birthday outfit. I remember getting bored whenever Mummy used to drag me along to Laxmi road; I would hate being jostled and pushed about for hours only to buy something that I didn’t really have a say in. Sonali and Strawberry were the coolest brands? / shops then, though we would occasionally foray into Pin-a-kin or Sadhana or Garima. Style for kids essentially meant matching from top-to-toe, which means that a yellow birthday frock would come with a yellow hair band, yellow clips, yellow bracelets, yellow socks and (oh no!) yellow shoes. The frillier the frocks, the higher up you were in the league of well-dressed girls. Although there were girls in my class at school who wore smart denims, dungarees and skirts from Weekender Kids, they were far and few in number and most of us today wince when we look at our childhood photographs, at the silly puff-sleeved clothes and the occasional lipstick and rouge (I solemnly swear never to subject my girl to makeup like that!). As for other products like baby carriers, rockers, car seats, or even those pretty wooden cribs and bassinets, they were non-existent in the average middle class Indian family. Our parents carried us on their hips, we sat on their laps in the car, slept in their beds (that too right in the middle!) and played bhatukali using peanuts and jaggery.

But toddlers and even babies now are just so uber-cool! They wear corduroy dresses and plaid skirts from Baby Zara. The grapeseed oil from Mothercare is used for massages (if at all), instead of Dabur Lal Tail. They are pushed about in comfortable Graco or Mclaren strollers with a sun and rain-cover, sturdy wheels, brakes and even a compartment for your coffee and cell phone. Shopping is no more a foray into the heart of the city in the scorching heat, it is a weekend spent in an air-conditioned mall complete with food courts offering global cuisine and entertainment packages for the little ones. And I am an unabashed mall rat. I get super excited about driving to Phoenix market city (it does feel like a long drive from our house in Kothrud) and I love everything once I’m there, from the shawarma at Maroosh to the little kiddies’ train.

My husband Abhi considers it a great stroke of luck that I was bedridden in the last few months of my pregnancy and thus could not be “set loose” in the baby shops then. As a result, he did all the “necessary” baby shopping, staying very true to the word and to his gender by only buying things like diapers, nappy pads and washcloths. Let’s just say I more than made up for my absence during that time by going absolutely berserk when we finally went out shopping for the baby, and came home with a truckload of beautiful things (which somehow looked less charming in our bedroom, than they had done in those bright store lights). And here I am, four months later, with a roomful of baby stuff, some of it (OK, a lot of it!) unused, waiting for another baby in the family or baby number two (I casually said to Abhi that we need to have another baby just so that all these things get used, and he gave me a look that was somehow disgusted and shocked at the same time!).

So, a post of my top buys for all the shopaholic, i-want-everything-in-the-store-right-now Mommies like me, coz be warned, this desperate urge to shop only increases manifold when it is for your baby instead of you!

Some products I recommend that will make life with the baby easier: (and none of these brands are paying me for this!)

1. The Baba sling

Yes, this is not what Mummy or my MIL call it, but the patented name of this awesome pouch sling. It is of Australian make and can be found at Shoppers Stop (in the Mothercare products section, although it is not an in-house Mothercare brand). What I loved about it was that I could use it immediately from the time of Rumi’s birth and even breastfeed her in it (no more balancing her on pillows, finding support etc.). The shoulder strap is extremely comfortable and does not eat into your skin or pinch (like the rings from ring slings can sometimes do). It is possible to use the sling in “many different positions” as they claim on the website. I myself have used four (feeding or hammock style, front-facing, hugging or me-facing and sideways with the baby on my hip) and all of them work well. The sling is size adjustable so both me and Abhi can use it and it has a safety strap / buckle. The fabric is cotton and quite thick, so with the weather here, we hardly need to wrap Rumi in something warm before we put her in it. Perfect for long evening walks or grocery shopping coz this sling truly renders us a 100% hands free.

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Check it out on www.thebabasling.com

2. Shelly, our turtle night lamp

Ever since I saw my niece’s night lamp that played soothing music and projected stars on to the walls, I knew that I wanted something like that for Rums. Since my cousin had got the lamp from the Netherlands, I was left rummaging the stores here, hunting in vain till I searched online and found the Twilight Turtle. The Twilight Turtle is a cuddly soft turtle night lamp that projects constellations on to the ceiling. I went a step further and chose the “Tranquil Turtle Aqua” model, which plays a soothing oceanic sea sound while projecting sea waves on to the surrounding walls and ceilings. Imagine how lovely it is to be surrounded by glowing ocean waves while drifting off to sleep. Shelly has really made our bedtime ritual easier and more pleasurable. The website offers bears and ladybugs apart from turtles, and also a variant with wireless Bluetooth technology where you can add tunes from your personal library.

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Check it out on www.cloudb.com

3. Matilda, our comfort blanket

Although I did read up on all things baby during pregnancy, I was quite ignorant of the comfort blanket concept till my darling friend Shwe got one for Rums from the UK. And I thought it to be a splendid innovation! A soft toy head and a blanket body, fulfilling the need for both a toy to have and name and a soft blanket to cuddle and chew the ends of. Our pretty, happy, orange and yellow and blue and green giraffe-headed blanket has been christened Matilda in honour of dear Roald Dahl and she has made sleep time so much happier and easier! Now all we need to do is put Rumi in her crib and put Matti in her hand. After that, it is all blissful cuddling and nibbling and drifting off to sleep (ON HER OWN!). I’m not sure where you can buy one in Pune coz the only comfort blanket I found here was an insipid, ill-looking white rabbit in Mothercare, so you would do well to order online or ask someone to bring you one from the States or the like. But make sure you get two, so that they can be washed regulary – we have to wait for Rumi to doze off and then sneakily pull it out of her hands, wash it and just pray it dries before her next nap!

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4. Fabric books

One thing that both my husband and I want desperately to pass on to Rumi is our love of books. Even before her birth, Abhi made a list of fantastic childrens’ books to order, hand-painted, beautifully illustrated, magical tales that had us drooling over them and just waiting for Rums to start reading. But a dear friend Gayatri introduced me to some books she had that did not need any waiting for Rumball to lose herself in the magic of words. These fabric – or rag – books are made of cloth(!) and thus washable, chewable, crumple-able and wonderfully non-tearable! They come in bright colors, introduce the baby to a variety of textures and make joyful crinkly, crackly sounds that make your baby laugh and gurgle like nothing else does. Amazon.in offers a wide choice but I would absolutely recommend the “Priddy” touch and feel books that come in titles like “Fuzzy bee and friends”, “Squishy Turtle and friends” and so on. Rumi has “Fluffy chick and friends” and it is delightful with soft textures and amazing rhymes. The book eliminates the need for us to carry any other toy when we go out. Another book I love is “Baby’s Day” by Karen Katz which has an actual cloth baby that can be moved into a high chair, swing, bath tub and so on till it is finally tucked into bed for the night (impossibly cute!)

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5. Onesie value packs

Onesies or rompers or bodysuits (I still don’t know whether there’s any difference) are to a baby’s wardrobe what an LBD is to us women (or a crisp white shirt or well-fitted blue jeans or whatever other ‘must-haves’ celebrities cite in the Sunday Times). They look super adorable and are sooo versatile. You can use them at the doctors (since babies need their thighs free for vaccines) or at home. In fact they make for the perfect night wear as they are elastic free (elastic on the waist may cause gassiness) and button up at the crotch, leaving the back smooth as babies mostly sleep on their backs (imagine the irritating sensation of crumpled up cloth on your back as you sleep!) Extremely comfy and easy to put on, they are a must have, especially in the first few months of the baby’s life where all they do is lie down, rendering any fashionable clothing useless in photos. Rumi has white ones for the night and amazing colors and prints for day wear.

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6. A car seat cum rocker

Do we really need a car seat? And what about a carry cot for restaurants and stuff? Should it serve as a chair or rock her to sleep? Abhi and I went back and forth for a long time trying to get the best value for money, since none of these things come cheap. I knew I desperately wanted a car seat coz the drives with me sitting in front with Rumi kicking and scratching and thrashing about were really becoming an ordeal. But then babies grow so fast! An infant car seat just for a few trips? The Evenflo model was a godsend! It serves as a rear-facing car seat for infants but it can be attached with or without the base. What this means is that you can initially use it in the sleeping, fetal position when the baby is too tiny to sit up and later attach it in the sitting, upright position. Even indoors, it can be rocked or adjusted into a sitting, non-mobile position. The husband usually prefers to buy one item for one functionality, claiming that multipurpose items never get used for all purposes and are jack-of-all-trades, but in this case our car seat has been well exploited and used in every way possible! Long car trips are fun coz Rumi just drifts off to sleep in it and if we are out late or do not come home for the night, she can be put to bed in it. We got ours from Mom and Me and it beat all the other models hands down. The only drawback is the partial hood cover which barely protects Rumi from the afternoon sun; I would have liked a larger hood or complete cover.

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7. Rubber sheets with Velcro

You cannot have enough of rubber sheets if you have a baby at home and care even a little about your bed linen and sofas. Even here, I stumbled upon a great buy which is ingenious in its simplicity – a plastic sheet with Velcro edges so that you can keep changing the soft fabric sheet on top and don’t need to put the whole thing for a wash. This is more hygienic than quick dry sheets which absorb all the moisture but start stinking immediately and makes more sense than the cloth sheets with rubber on one side which need to be put for a wash in their entirety rendering you rubber sheet-less. I bought mine from an acquaintance that makes them but it’s a great idea for enthusiastic and inspired DIY moms: just get a large plastic sheet and ask your tailor to stitch the piping on the sides with Velcro. Get some colorful, pretty cotton sheets of the same size and voila: you can keep using the same rubber sheet over and over again, all you need to change is the cloth on top!

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8. Eco-friendly and skin-friendly cloth diapers

There are two schools of moms I know – one that uses disposable diapers 24/7 without any rash or other problems, and the other that chooses to go with cloth langots. Our pediatrician always speaks against diapers and we’ve chosen to put our faith in the guy right from the beginning. Even then, it did not work for us to keep Rumi entirely diaper-free as she is already an extremely light sleeper and would wake up immediately because of the wetness. Plus, I noticed her inner thighs darkening and that had me worried. There are several cloth diaper brands such as Alva Baby and Charlie Banana but I found a great pal in Bumchums, cloth diapers that come with inserts and are super soft , absorbent and easy on the skin.

Check it out on www.bumchumdiapers.com

And last, but definitely not the least,

9. The Philips Avent manual breast pump

I chose to be a complete stay-at-home mom and thought there was no need to express milk since I was going to be around full time. Plus, the Medela electric pump they usually provide at hospitals costs 18k (whaaatttt?). But investing in a manual pump makes sense, if only to give you that occasional break and sleep when someone else can feed the baby. Also, it is impossible to be away from the baby for more than three hours without having painful, lumpy and occasionally leaky breasts, which is what makes the Avent pump an excellent buy, coz it is super light and portable, which means, you can carry it in your handbag and express in mall restrooms for instance. Using a pump is an excellent way of increasing breast milk supply and makes it easier to start the baby on solids as you can express and mix the milk in the rice cereal, fruit puree etc. The Philips pump is very effective and easy on the pocket at two and a half grand.

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